An interview with a Dirty Word   5 comments

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to the first ever viewing of:

‘An Interview with a Dirty word!’

Tonight we are interviewing the most profane word in the English Language. But his contention is that he is not a word at all but is in fact an acronym!

Ladies and Gents please welcome Mr. Word!

(Place sporadic applause here)

Good evening Mr. Word. Please answer this question for us:

Who are you and what have you done with the words you claim to be an acronym for?

Mr. Word bows to the audience

Thank you. I would be most happy to answer your question but first I must ask that you do not refer to me as a word. I am an acronym!

As you wish, Mr. … ahem, Acronym;  please continue.

Well, yes I shall Thank you. I did not do anything with the words I am an acronym for. It is you

human beings that shelved the words and created me. At first I was excited to have been created

and people used me in the most accurate sense. But as time progressed I became more of a slang word, which progressed into a derogatory meaning and the prefixes and suffixes were added. I became very depressed as I was being trampled upon and dragged thru the nastiest places imaginable.

Excuse me Mr. Acronym; perhaps it would be best if you started from the beginning. Just when and why were you created?

All right, but my beginnings were fairly uneventful. It was the late middle ages, when the courts were awarding ladies with the scarlet letter ‘A’ which stands for adulteress and was awarded for; well, for  fooling around with men other than their marital spouse.

Yes, Mr. Acronym we all are aware of the scarlet letter and its meaning. But what has that to do with you?

Lots actually! Since men were the recorders of history they tended to concentrate on what the scandalous ladies did and received but pretty much failed to record what the ‘adventurous’ males did and what their rewards for their actions were. I was one of the rewards.

Explain please!

The male half of a scandalous affair was placed in stocks in the town commons, sometimes till the meat fell from the bones, depending on the status of the husband of the adulterous female. Other times the offending male was only awarded a thrashing if the females mate was a writer or common laborer. Anyway, on the stocks they always carved into the wood what the offense was, for the person in the stocks. Since the words for the offense were too long to carve into the stocks for all to read,  they took the first letters of each of the words and created me.

Tell us what those words are now please.

Yes, if you insist. They were ‘For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge’

Ah I see your point! Yes you have been drug thru the mud and dubbed ‘the word most foul’. I must say that I do not see any way of righting the wrong you have been done and that you in your word form is so engrained into the English language that it would leave a big hole if we were to try and remove you from the language. I fear that some people would begin stumbling over their own words and would feel totally out of sync without you there in their mouths. I am sorry.

Yes,  I realize this and have been concentrating on the single thought that ‘I exist, therefore I am.’

Well at least you have the ability to think positive thoughts, which is more than I can say for some of the people that use you! Since you are with us tonight, perhaps you may be able to explain the gesture that has been associated with you?

Ah that! Well actually that predates me by a long time span. Human gestures have been in existence since before spoken language was used. That gesture, clenched fist with middle finger up was originally a man’s way of stating that he was horny and asking if a woman was interested.

And the gestures for a woman’s response?

Well what is considered today as the ‘peace sign’ or ‘victory sign’ the first two fingers spread in a ‘V’ formation meant; sure come on over or open for business. If the response was a clenched fist with no fingers that meant ‘closed for repairs’ or ‘I have a headache’.

  Thank you Mr. Acronym this has been a most interesting interview but alas we are out of time.

 Host turns to audience and states:

Thank you for being with us tonight ladies and gents and remember the next time you walk the commons think about what may have happened there. Isn’t history fascinating!

Posted April 5, 2011 by nissmech in Uncategorized

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The Waters   4 comments

The waters draw me ever closer
urging me on to the shore.
Waves lap in hypnotic rythem
drowning  the voices within.
How I yearn to be enveloped in it’s warm enclosure
surrounded by a bouyancy of fluidic indifference.
To escape the confines of this body
that can no longer serve me.
To drift in the whale road till the end of time
and spread my conciousness to
forever and beyond.

D. M. Coon
2/15/98

Posted November 23, 2010 by nissmech in Uncategorized

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Pacific Blue   5 comments

Alone with the colors of life
in her hands, she sits enthralled,
as nature paints an everchanging
picture before her.

As daystar descends
towards water’s gloom;
pastel skies darken
to shades suppressed,
silhouetted pods of whale
sound in dismay,
seabirds dip wings in
evening flight,
wave’s roar distanced
as gravity pulls,
wind gusts peak
then subside.

Dusk arrives; heralds the night.
In defiance, the heavens flame
then darken to pacific blue.

D. M. Coon
© 7/2000

Posted November 22, 2010 by nissmech in Uncategorized

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